Fun with intraverbals!

This morning B woke up on the proverbial "wrong side of the bed," so Daddy was trying to cheer him up:

Daddy: The itsy bitsy spider went up the water . . .
B: uh . . . spout . . .
Daddy: down came the rain and washed the spider . . .
B: daddy, that's too much to ask.

******

Later, Daddy started singing a song he made up for him when he was 2:

Daddy: My name is B and I'm two-foot-two and I jump all day like a kangaroo. Don't cross my mommy or she will ___________

B: hit me.


[whereupon i fell out of B's bed laughing!]

Danger!

The other morning we were all lounging in bed, and Daddy gave me a quick kiss.

B: No, don't kiss!
Me: Oh, we're going to kiss. (kiss)
B: NO!!
Daddy: I'll kiss mommy if I want to. (kiss)
B: NO . . . people going to get hurt!
Me and Daddy: (laughing, kiss)
B: NO NO NO!!! Somebody going to get hurt!!

Purple Eyes

This morning, B treated me to a few (bossy) gems:

B took my glasses. I asked for them back, and he said, "Um, you have to share, Mommy."

****

I told him the eye doctor said his eyes were perfect. "Perfect?" he asked. "Yes, B, your eyes are perfect. That means you don't need glasses." A few minutes later, he says, "I'm the doctor, and you're the boy. Your eyes are purple."

****

He messed up the settings on the remote control, and I asked him if he wanted me to fix it. Handing it to me, he said, "Yeah, go for it!"

Long Day!

Last night B, Daddy and I were playing in B's room. Daddy closed his eyes.

B: Daddy, wake up! It's time for go to school!
Me: Oh, we're going to school! Who will be the teacher?
B: I the teacher. You (pointing to me) the Girl. You (pointing to Daddy) the Boy.
Me: Okay, Teacher B. Teach us!
B: Okay. Everybody, stand up. We're going to jump like THIS (jumping on the bed). Who wants to go first?
[silence . . . lots of gesturing from B trying to get one of us to raise our hand]
B: Mommy, um, The Girl?
Me: Yes?
B: Stand up. Jump like this. I the teacher.
Me: Okay. [attempts to jump on the bed without bashing head into ceiling]
B: Boy (looking at Daddy)? Your turn! [daddy explains that he cannot jump on the bed]
Me: (showing B his pillow pet) Hey, Teacher B! Look what I made!
B: Ooooh, good job! Now go over there and put it in your backpack. Everybody, we're going on a field trip!
Me: We're going on a field trip! Yay! Where are we going, Teacher?

B: We're going to climb up, up, high in the sky and fly around and then we'll go down to the ground today. And then we'll go to Granna and Poppy's house today. And then we'll go to GiGi and PaPa's house today. And then we'll go up in the sky and fly in an airplane, and then go down to the ground today. And then we're going to watch out for ghosts today. And then we're going to watch out for swamp creatures today. And then we're going to hide from monsters today, and say, "watch out! there's a monster coming!" And then we're going to go to the fireman's house and say, "HELP! I'M STUCK IN A TREE!!"

Whew!

Wa wa wa waaaaaah

We were at the SF Ferry Building yesterday and got some sorbet.

I dropped B's on the ground.

He looked down at it and sang:

http://sadtrombone.com/

Um, I can see you.

[category: boring but awesome]

B kept picking at a spot on his face, making it bleed. Today I told him to stop picking it. He kept on and I scolded him. Then he grabbed a pillow, put it over his face, and proceeded to pick under the pillow. I told him, "Dude, I can still see you." And he glanced up guiltily.

Now, I'm sure this happens all the time in families across the globe. That it's a normal occurrence for a "typical" child to hide his face behind an object to disobey his mother. BUT, the fact that he actually thought that I wouldn't know what he was doing under the pillow because (he thought) I couldn't see it - well, it's sheer genius to me. Most of you reading will know why. Those of you who don't, read this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sally-Anne_test

Sheer genius, I say!

Smooch!

Me: B, come give me a kiss.
(B approaches, giving me his forehead to kiss)
Me: I wanna kiss your lips!
(B gives me his forehead)
Me: I want a lip kiss!
B (pointing to forehead): This is lip!